


in the darkness of our dreams

by Tayani



Series: ShuAke Confidant Week [10]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dreams, First Kiss, M/M, Pre-Canon, Soulmates, for the most part that is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-22 14:47:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21078563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tayani/pseuds/Tayani
Summary: ShuAke Confidant Week Day 2 - soulmatesThey said one's seventeenth birthday was the most important day - or rather, night - of their lives. Akira's just so happen to also be the night his whole life got turned upside down.





	in the darkness of our dreams

They said one's seventeenth birthday was the most important day - or rather, night - of their lives. 

Well, it used to be, at any rate. Old stories were full of young men and women waiting with bated breath for their seventeenth birthday and the chance – if they were lucky – to meet their soulmate. It would happen during the night. In their dreams, the moment both soulmates fell asleep, they would be transported to a dark place and allowed to talk and touch if they so wished. Of course, there were rules to whether or not it could happen. One’s soulmate had to already be seventeen or older themselves; the soulmates could not have touched until now; both of them had to be asleep and not in a state that’d stop them from being able to dream, like severe exhaustion or drug-induced sleep. And, lastly, not everyone had a soulmate – some people didn’t have one at all, some people’s soulmate would have died already. It was considered lucky, to fulfil the set of circumstances required to meet your soulmate on the night of your seventeenth birthday.

Now, in modern days, scientists researched and regular people held lengthy debates about why were some people’s psyches linked in such a surprising way. After all, though the term _ soulmates _implied as much, people who met one another in their dreams weren’t guaranteed to end up in a relationship or even to end up together. There were stories of people finding their soulmate was from another country, all the way across the globe. There were stories of people being matched with someone who would turn out to be so completely unappealing to them in any way that the prospective relationship crumbled before it had a chance to stand. There were many, many stories of soulmates who started to date only to find out – and be surprised by the fact – that just being soulmates did not mean one didn’t need to work for the relationship to succeed.

Finding one’s soulmate was a chance, nothing more. Sometimes, though, a chance like that was all that was needed. 

* * *

This had to be the worst birthday in Akira Kurusu’s life.

It wasn’t even that his parents forgot – it wouldn’t have been the first time, even if one’s seventeen birthday was usually a thing celebrated in an especially festive way. As they drove him home from the courthouse, still shell-shocked from the trial and the court’s ruling, Akira’s parents didn’t say anything to him.

The silence was deafening. They wouldn’t even look at him. When they finally got home and were able to talk, they spoke as if Akira wasn’t there anymore. Or perhaps as if he turned into something nasty and couldn’t understand them.

“I’ll call some acquaintances in Tokyo,” his father said, addressing his mother. “It should be far enough. I could call in a few favours, find a school that’d accept someone like him…”

“Wasn’t there this old café owner you met a few years back? Maybe he could find some place for him… then again, as long as it’s far away and we’re not bothered with news of more aggressive behaviour. I want to make it clear that whoever takes him in makes him their problem, not ours,” his mother said, her lips set tightly. She looked like she did that time Akira broke her favourite vase when he was very, very small. Back then, though, she was angry at him, yes, but at least she acknowledged his presence. Akira opened his mouth, eyes darting desperately from his mother to his father.

“I didn’t do anything,” he said, hating how pleading his voice sounded. “Mum… dad… I only… I only wanted to help! That woman was going to get assaulted, I couldn’t—”

His mother turned her back on him and walked out of the corridor, into the kitchen. Akira felt his lips tremble. He wanted to cry, but he was turning seventeen today. He was not going to cry. He looked, imploringly, at his father.

“Dad… You know this trial was set up, right? You know I didn’t do anything! That guy—”

His father sighed and turned his back as well, following Akira’s mother and leaving his son behind. Akira’s fists clenched tightly. He could hear a meal being prepared and heard his stomach let out a longing gurgle, but he ran past the kitchen and towards his room, locking himself inside and falling onto his bed, hiding his face in his pillow.

He would rather starve than endure his parents’ silence right now.

Drained and exhausted, his chest still hurting from sheer frustration, Akira didn’t even realize when he fell into a restless sleep.

* * *

It was dark.

Akira’s eyes snapped open but for all the good that did him, he could have just as well kept them shut. He felt frustration rise in his chest. What now? He’s had the absolutely worst day possible; he was going to be saddled with criminal record and shipped off to some dingy café all the way in Tokyo and now he wasn’t even allowed to sleep peacefully? The bitter feeling of injustice welled up inside of him and he clenched his fists, trying to stop the tears from falling.

This was so unfair. He was—

“Hello..?”

Akira blinked. The voice was quiet and hesitant, and it came from somewhere very close to him. It was male, too, and…

And, Akira thought, it was also beautiful. The kind of voice he could listen to forever, reading stories into his ear. He gasped, the realization of what might be happening – of who he might be hearing – hitting him hard. Akira reached out, his hand brushing against soft fabric and softer skin. He could hear the other boy gasp quietly, though he didn’t move away.

“You’re—” Akira whispered, though his voice broke before he could finish his sentence. He felt the other boy release a long breath and then, suddenly, there were hands running up his arms, up to his face, trembling fingertips pressing over his cheeks with a feather-like touch.

“…you’re real, aren’t you? This is real…” The other boy’s voice became choked up, as if he tried to force himself to remain calm. “I’ve waited for so long…”

Akira felt something well up inside him; a huge sob finally broke out and the next thing he knew, he was falling into his soulmate’s surprised arms, sobbing into his shoulder.

It took a long time until he was able to calm down. At first, his soulmate has panicked; worried voice asking him, again and again, what was wrong and whether he needed help. Then, awkward arms wrapped hesitantly around him, holding him through his sobs until Akira slumped in the other boy’s hold, managing calm his breath enough to speak.

He had told the other boy everything – about the night he noticed the arguing couple on his way back from cram school, about pushing the man off the woman, about the scuffle that broke out and about the police immediately taking the man’s side. About the trial, about his criminal record, about his friends, classmates and even his parents turning completely away from him. Finally, he told him how no one even remembered his birthday on top of everything else and how bad he felt, making their first meeting all about his problems.

By that time, the two of them were sitting down on the insubstantial ground of the dreamscape. Akira’s soulmate was still holding him, and much more naturally now. He was mostly silent, letting the other boy talk, his hand moving up to card through Akira’s curly hair, playing with his dark locks. Akira found the action incredibly soothing. Once he was done and fell silent, his breathing calming down rapidly, he finally heard his soulmate speak again.

“…I don’t mind, you know. This being our first meeting,” his soulmate murmured, still stroking his hair. Akira wanted to purr. He felt tired now, but in a very comfortable way. Even just crying it out and having someone listen to him helped a lot. All of a sudden, a trip to Tokyo to live with some café owner didn’t sound so bad. He’d much rather go there than stay in this house, with these people who called themselves his parents.

“Thank you,” he murmured, closing his eyes and inhaling his soulmate’s comforting scent. “For—for listening to me. For letting me cry. I’m sorry, I—”

“Don’t apologize,” his soulmate said. Akira could hear the smile in his voice as the other boy scratched lightly against his scalp, making Akira positively melt into his touch. His soulmate laughed quietly, obviously delighted with the response.

“Still… thanks,” Akira said, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks. He could feel the other boy shrug.

“It’s been almost a year… I guess I’m just surprised and… and happy I _ have _a soulmate,” he said, in a careful voice. “I started to think, maybe I don’t have one. And suddenly, you appeared, and—ah, that’s right.”

Akira felt the other boy pull away and let go hesitantly, wishing he didn’t have to do that. His soulmate’s hands ran down his arms and found his hands, clasping them in his own.

“What’s your name?”

“Akira,” he said. “What’s yours?”

“Goro,” his soulmate replied and then Akira felt his hands being pulled up and a careful kiss being pressed over his palms. He blessed the darkness. In it, Goro could not possibly see how much his blush had darkened just then.

“Happy birthday, Akira,” Goro said. “I’m glad I got to meet you today.” 

* * *

They met almost every night over the next few weeks. Akira couldn’t help but think that the nightly meetings with his soulmate were the only thing keeping him sane.

His parents continued to treat Akira as barely more than a ghost. His move to Tokyo has been planned and finalized without him having anything to say in the matter. After a while, Akira found he spent each day waiting desperately for the moment he’ll be able to lay down in his bed and sleep, plunging himself into the now-familiar darkness.

Goro wasn’t able to meet him every night, but he tried to. Akira knew he did it so that he won’t feel lonely and he felt his heart beat harder every time they met.

They usually just talked during their meetings in the dark, about everything and anything. Goro wasn’t a very talkative person when it came to talking about himself, but he listened gladly to Akira’s talk and seemed to have a whole pile of questions he wanted to ask him. He got Akira to tell him all about his family, his grandparents, the summers he’d spend with them in the countryside. He made Akira talk for hours about school, movies he watched, books he read, places he wanted to visit. And then, during the rare nights they’d sit together and slowly, gradually, gravitate closer and closer, until Akira’s head rested on Goro’s shoulder and their fingers intertwined, it’d be Goro’s turn to talk.

Akira didn’t know a whole lot about him, but he was a good listener, too. He found out Goro was an orphan, with no family of his own. He found out his soulmate spoke with passion about things that interested him, whether it was complaining about shitty adults ruining the country or trying to convince Akira why some philosopher or other really had a point. He found out Goro had a job, was attending a very prestigious university _ and _doing something in the media to boot. And he also found – when he commented how amazing he was, for juggling all of it at the same time – that his soulmate had a rather adorable weakness for being complimented.

And then, one night, right before Akira’s move to Tokyo, he found out one more important thing.

Goro _ lived _in Tokyo. The moment this information slipped from his soulmate’s lips, during some completely unrelated conversation, Akira perked up from their sitting position, turning to him in the darkness.

“Will you come pick me up? From the train station?” he fired off immediately, catching Goro’s hand, almost jumping up and down in excitement. “We could— you _ need to _show me around! I’ll—”

“I won’t be able to.”

Goro said it quickly, in a quiet voice. If they could see one another Akira would be willing to bet his soulmate wouldn’t be looking at him. He settled down a bit – honestly, it felt as if someone poured a bucket of icy water on Akira. It took a long while for him to ask.

“You’ll… you’ll be busy, or…?”

“I— Akira, I—Perhaps, if we just—”

Akira let go of Goro’s hand, moving a bit back.

“…you don’t want to meet with me in real life, do you,” he said quietly. It wasn’t a question.

“That’s not it,” Goro sighed; Akira could almost see him rubbing his eyes. “Of course I do. You’re my soulmate; no matter how much of the lore is actually true, I’d be a fool not to meet you. It’s just…” He paused. Akira waited patiently, scooting a little bit closer again. Goro seemed to take it as a good sign.

“It’s complicated,” he murmured. “I suppose, I—I don’t want to lose you. If we touch in real life, we’ll never be able to meet like this again, and—”

“But we’ll be able to meet in real life then! Even—” Akira stopped, blushing furiously. He _ did _ want to say _ even spend the nights together _, but this was hardly the time – anyhow, he had only known Goro for a few weeks at best. He heard another sigh.

“You don’t understand, Akira,” Goro said softly. Akira found his hand again and squeezed it, their fingers interlacing.

“Tell my what I don’t understand, then,” he said. “Tell me why I can’t take my soulmate out on a date in Tokyo.”

Well, that got him a laugh, however short it might have been. Akira could feel Goro shake his head beside him.

“You hardly know me – how do you know you want to date me?” he asked simply. “You might end up despising me yet. What if I turn out to be someone you’d hate, Akira? What if I told you I’m not the good person you think I am?”

Goro’s tone was light, but Akira wasn’t fooled by it. The questions he had asked in such a joking manner were real; he could feel their weight even though Goro had tried to mask it, the best he could. He squeezed his soulmate’s hand.

“…not to me,” he said.

“What?”

“You’ve never been bad _ to me _ . You’ve never hurt _ me _.”

Goro kept quiet for a moment; then, for the second time since they’ve met, Akira felt his soulmate bring his hand up, pressing a gentle kiss against his palm.

“No,” Goro agreed. “And I never will. You’re _ mine _ ; you’re my soulmate, Akira. I’d never hurt _ you _.”

* * *

Days and weeks had passed.

Akira’s move to Tokyo came and went. He begun to get used to this new life of his, even if it apparently ended up including a bit more supernatural heart thievery and a bit less respectable student life than initially planned. His nights with Goro became less frequent, though they still met and talked whenever they managed to fall asleep at roughly the same times and whenever Akira wasn’t too exhausted to dream. The beginning of new school year seemed to dampen Goro’s spirits and so Akira tried to cheer him up with talk of his daily life, the cat he ‘adopted’ and the new friends he made. He soon found this had the effect contrary to the one he hoped for – Goro only became more gloomy as a result.

Perhaps it was because of this that Akira didn’t tell his soulmate about the Metaverse and the new power he had found within himself. Personas and the cognitive world would certainly be interesting to Goro, but Akira found he couldn’t bring himself to share it with him. Maybe he was worried Goro wouldn’t believe him – or maybe it was simply the fact that it wasn’t just _ his _secret he promised to protect. Goro was smart – if he found out Akira was the member of the Phantom Thieves, he’d soon figure out his friends had to be ones, too. And Akira couldn’t have that, not even from his soulmate.

And so, Akira said nothing. He let Goro talk – about how tired he was, how much people at work demanded of him and how draining attending school felt. Akira still didn’t know the name of Goro’s school, nor did he know what did his work consist of, but he still felt sympathetic. One night, when they curled up on the insubstantial ground, Goro’s silhouette pressed snugly against Akira’s chest, he decided to try again.

“…Goro?” Akira murmured, threading his fingers through Goro’s hair. They weren’t usually this affectionate with one another during their meetings. Tonight, though, Goro came to their shared darkness so obviously tired and fed up with everything Akira decided some extra affection was in order. He could feel his soulmate curl up a bit more against him, leaning into the touch. Really, for all the mature and reserved act Goro usually put on, he could be really cute if he wanted to. Akira smiled, once again glad for the cover of darkness.

“Mmm?” came a sleepy response. Akira took a deep breath.

“Let me meet you in real life.”

Goro stiffened. Akira closed his eyes, steeling himself for the rebuttal. Instead, all he heard was a question.

“…why do you want to meet me so much?”

“…you know why,” he answered after a moment of stunned silence, tightening his hold on Goro. He heard a huff of air and felt his soulmate shift against him.

“No, I don’t, actually,” Goro said in a stubborn voice. “What is it that you want?”

“…huh? I want to meet you.” Now, Akira was starting to feel confused. He let go, leaning a bit back. He really wished he could see, maybe even read the emotions undoubtedly flickering over Goro’s face.

“We _ are _ meeting right now,” Goro said. “I doubt you’d even find the _ time _ to meet with me in real life as well, seeing as you need to hang out with all your friends… and you know _ my _schedule is—”

“That’s not the point,” Akira shook his head, frowning. “I want to—I want to see you, for starters. I want to be able to touch you, take you out on dates… I thought you’d like it too, somehow.”

Akira heard yet another sigh. His nose scrunched as his hands moved up, cupping Goro’s cheeks. The next sound he heard was more like a squeak than anything else and Akira already counted that as a big improvement.

“Is this the _ bad person _thing again?” he asked. He could feel Goro trying to escape his grasp, but to no avail. Finally, his soulmate slumped in his hold. For a long moment, there was silence between them. Akira sighed, continuing to talk when it became clear to him Goro was not going to answer. 

“You know I don’t care about that.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Goro snapped at him. Akira shook his head.

“Then tell me. Did you kill someone?” 

“I–” Goro stuttered and pulled away finally, moving back, away from Akira. After a moment’s pause, Akira could hear his voice again; choked and mocking. He could almost see the bitter smile on the face he never once seen.

“What if I told you I did?” 

“Why?” Akira asked, in the same, calm voice. Goro was startled by the question; he could feel it in the air between them.

“What do you mean, why? I–” he hesitated and then fell silent again. Slowly, Akira crawled forward, until he could touch Goro again. He found his hands in the darkness, squeezing them gently.

“Because I don’t believe a guy that would hold me when I cried and sacrifice his rest just so I won’t feel lonely… that the person I fell for so thoroughly just after hearing their voice would just kill someone for no good reason,” he said, in a serious voice. Akira was stunned to realize he was telling the truth. He didn’t much care. The Phantom Thieves gambled with lives of the ones they changed the hearts of and were willing to do it, because the people they targeted were pieces of shit. If he could call himself a leader of such a group, he felt like he had no moral high ground here whatsoever.

“...there is a reason,” Goro said, after a long moment. “It’s not a good one, though. All I do… all I _ ever _did, every despicable thing… it was always because of a stupid grudge. Childish, pointless… and incredibly personal.” 

Akira remained silent; he knew silence would sometimes encourage people to continue talking more than any words could. They would instinctively try to fill it. 

“...it’s my father,” Goro said, in a voice as small as a mouse. “I’ve told you, haven’t I? I’m an orphan; I never had parents. That bastard’s the reason why. I was thrown around the foster care system for half of my life and… Akira, you have no idea what’s it like. What it feels like, to be unwanted, to be looked at with disgust and never appreciated for anything, never _ needed _ for anything. When two years ago I got– I– When I received a _ chance _ to pay him back for all the hell he put me and my mother through, what did I have to lose..? What did it matter, if I had to hurt people, even _ kill _people? I never wanted to, but–”

Goro fell silent; his breathing was heavy, laboured. It felt like he’s been waiting to say this, let it all out for _ years _. Akira leaned in, pulling Goro’s hands up and pressing a gentle kiss to his palms. Goro laughed; a sharp, hysterical laugh.

“What are you doing..?” he whispered, though he didn’t pull his hands away. After Akira didn’t reply, he continued to talk, sagging lightly forward until his forehead rested against Akira’s shoulder.

“...it’s different now. I’ve never _ had _ anyone before. You’ve broken me, Akira. Do you want to know why I can’t bring myself to meet with you, in real life, the _ real _ reason? It’s because I know I won’t be able to resist, once I see you; once I get to touch you. You’ve made me question everything I’ve ever done. I never had doubts, I never second-guessed myself. In a world that was so awful to me, what did I care? In a world that has _ you _in it, though…” 

Goro took a deep breath. 

“...I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want you to get hurt for associating yourself with me. The people I’ve tangled with… it’s too late for me now. I know it’s just a flimsy excuse, but–”

“It’s not,” Akira said. His voice was quiet, but self-assured. He kept silent and listened to every last thing Goro had to say to him – now, it was time to act. “It’s enough for me. _ You’re _enough for me.”

Goro’s breath caught in his throat. Akira smiled and let go of his hands, opting to wrap his arms around his soulmate instead, holding him close.

“Let me see you, Goro,” he whispered. “Let me show you that you won’t lose me just for telling me all this. And then, let me help.”

For the last time that night, Goro stiffened in his arms. 

“What do you mean, _ help _? You have no idea–”

“I do. And I _ can _ help. Goro… I’m _ yours _ , like you’ve told me. But you’re _ mine _, too. And if it’ll make you smile, I won’t stop until I personally make your father grovel on the ground in apology for what he did to you.”

For a long while, there was silence – and then, Goro laughed. It was a long, carefree laugh, one that Akira wanted to etch into his mind and never let go of. And then, he felt his soulmate pull away, cup his cheeks and lean in. Their lips pressed together for the first time, chaste at first, then hungrier, filled with longing. Akira’s hands came up, threading through Goro’s soft hair; the sound his soulmate made in response felt better than anything Akira’s heard in his life. 

They parted eventually – even in a dream, breathing was a habit that was hard to let go. Goro’s forehead rested against Akira’s, their noses brushing against one another.

“You’re mad,” Goro whispered to him. Akira smiled. 

“Possibly,” he agreed. Goro chuckled against his lips and kissed him again, obviously delighting in his ability to do so.

“Very well. I must be mad, too… but fine. I’ll meet you. Tomorrow, if you like. Just…” Goro hesitated. He moved away. The darkness of their dream was complete, but for just a moment, Akira could almost convince himself he saw a pair of eyes, peering at him uncertainly. 

“...promise me, Akira. That you won’t abandon me now. I’m yours… so I’m also your responsibility. And it’s hard for me, to trust again like that.”

“I promise,” Akira said, cupping Goro’s cheeks in turn. “If you won’t run away from me anymore… I’ll never let go of you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> If you like my stories, you can find me on twitter [@mikan_writings](https://twitter.com/mikan_writings) and/or tumblr at [mikan_writings](https://mikan-writings.tumblr.com/)!


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